TMI Tuesday

Analyze Your Sex-Life

1. What are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?

Strengths: Sex positive, open minded, willing to explore and try new things, blowjobs, ridiculously vocal, multi-orgasmic.
Weaknesses: Still struggle at times with being completely open with TN about desires and fantasies.

2. As a couple, what are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?

Strengths: We both know exactly how to hit all the right buttons for each other. We never gave up on each during the almost dead bedroom.
Weaknesses: Our libidos and desire for kink is off-balanced (mine is way higher for both). We’re working on them together though so I’m optimistic.

3. How do you make intimacy a priority in a relationship?

We struggled with intimacy for a long time. First the sheer exhaustion of babies, then toddlers and young kids wore us down. After awhile, it seemed like we both forgot how important any intimate contact is, whether it involved actual sex or not. In the past 18 months, we’ve been much better at making sure we get the time we need. Things are still lopsided as my libido is now higher than his. (The irony of biology sucks.) We don’t always go up to bed at the same time (I usually go first), but without fail, we don’t go to sleep without at least some naked cuddling and a good snog. I’ve gotten better at accepting that he needs downtime in the evening and not taking it personally that he won’t go to bed with me. He has gotten better at saying he’ll be up in 30 minutes or an hour and then actually following through.

4. How has your sex life changed in the last five years?

Five years ago, our sex life was almost non-existent. Truly. I’m embarrassed to admit how rarely we actually had sex. Eighteen months ago, things changed and we now have a very good sex life. It’s fun, fulfilling, satisfying. We’re more daring, we try new things. We make time for sex now. We talk more about sex and what we want.

5. Has blogging helped your sex life? How?

It’s helped in the sense that I write on here almost daily and writing has always been my way of processing things. Obviously most of those posts don’t see the light of day, but they’re still very therapeutic for me.

 

Bonus:  Has loneliness or emotional hunger ever caused you to “fall in love”?

No, I don’t think so. But I’ve never needed to be in love to have sex. I had a FWB way before there was a name for it. We liked each other as people, but absolutely did not want a relationship together. We had fun. We got naked. We never used each other or mistreated each other. We didn’t hook up when we were in relationships. It lasted several years and I have absolutely no regrets about it at all.

Elust #78

Malin James Elust 78 Header Image
Photo courtesy of Malin James

Welcome to Elust #78

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #79? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

£10.53
Balance of Light
Advent Calendar 2015 – Day 24

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Why Sex Fiction?
On using him

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Guest blog: ‘Quite Delightful’, James Deen and me
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Make-Up Sex
Wide Open
Believe in You
I am softly athletic
Making a Short Story Long

Erotic Fiction

First Kiss
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
A Spicey Christmas Eve Tale…..
The Annual Christmas Party
If Only He’d Said Yes…
Very Very Necessary
concrete
Holly and Ivy…
Frothy White Stuff
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
30 Minutes

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Boundaries
Stress Makes You Blind and Your Cum Orange
On Eating Ass
Confessions of an Ambivalent Masochist
Joyous Jizz

Poetry

Ode To My Favorite Sex Toy
Earth
Fuckable

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Lady Fapping: The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee
Does Size Matter?
A Feminist’s Guide to Sexting with Cavemen

Erotic Non-Fiction

Having Angelic Sex With The Virgin Mary
New Lingerie

Blogging

The First Day of the Rest of Our Lives
40. 41. One.

 

 

(Not Really) Resolutions

Wicked Wednesday Prompt: 
The beginning of a new year is a fresh start for many of us. Not everyone believes in New Years resolutions, but even so, it is a time to stop and think what you want to accomplish, what you want to try and what you want to stop with. Even if you don’t have any resolutions or ideas for this year, I want to say: believe in yourself! Let’s start this year off on a positive note.

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I used to make new year’s resolutions. Logically it made sense to me to want to make changes because it’s a new year, but emotionally, when I faltered, I always felt like a failure and instead of brushing myself off, I’d just give up. I stopped that nonsense years ago. I’m already hard enough on myself and full of enough guilt, I don’t need the pressure of resolutions to add to it.

So even though these are absolutely not resolutions (and yes, I realize the mental gymnastics I’m doing here), here are some things I’d like to work on in 2016–in no particular order.

  1. I am no longer going to sit by quietly when someone says or writes something racist, homophobic, xenophobic, sexist or any other -ist or -ic because I don’t want to cause drama. I’m opinionated on Facebook, but I don’t like to be rude and shit on other people’s posts. I’ve realized that my silence has been perceived as tacit approval by some people and I’m done with that. I will try my hardest not to be rude or argumentative. I believe that many of those comments come from people who just don’t know better so I will do my best to gently educate. But the ones who know better and are just assholes? Open season. I expect I’ll lose some friends over this and I’m good with that. I don’t want to be friends with assholes anyway.
  2. My should injury in October sidelined me for too long and when I was finally recovered, I had lost so much progress that I faltered yet again. I’m a walking, talking example of Newton’s First Law of Motion. Tomorrow the real world returns and I’m starting back up (slowly) with my #fwocrew workouts.
  3. I’m making time to be creative every single week. It’s such a huge part of who I am and I need to nurture that more often. Photography, drawing, painting, even coloring in this great present from my BFF, helps calm the chaos that is my life.
  4. I want to write more. The last time I posted my writing goals on here, I succeeded. So I’m going out on a limb and say that I will post at least two text posts a month. I’ll seek out more writing memes to participate in on top of personal writing. It won’t all see the light of computer screens beyond mine, but writing helps me process my emotions and I must get back to a more regular schedule with it.
  5. I’m going to continue to work on how I communicate with TN. I made so much progress last year and I don’t want to get complacent. I know that this is journey, not a race and I need to keep at it.
  6. Related to the previous entry, I will continue to gently push TN to communicate his own needs. He tends to put my wants/needs above his own, which is obviously very satisfying for me in the moment, but I don’t want him to grow to resent any unspoken needs or wants that he has.
  7. I hope that we will both continue to explore and push the boundaries of our sexuality. I’m not sure what that might entail this year, but I know that last January I had no idea where I would be as a person or where we would be as a couple.
  8. And then there’s the usual stuff. Yell less. Love more. Eat better. Blah blah blah. 😉
  9. I will absolutely continue to nurture the online friendships I’ve formed and I hope that I’ll meet at least one of my online friends in 2016.
  10. I’m going to visit this list monthly just to do my own check on my progress.

TN and the kids have been off of work/school for over two weeks and today is our last day of our break so I’m going to eke out as much fun and relaxation as I can.

Happy New Year to my friends and readers! Thanks for stopping by.

NDG xx

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