Prelude to a Conversation

TN gets out of bed at 10 and enters kitchen. 

TN: (Loudly to drown out the news on TV that NDG is watching.) I am so sick of this election. (For approximately the 273rd time this week.)

NDG: I know you are.

TN: I won’t say it again.

NDG: I just don’t know how to respond to that.

TN: I seem to be pissing you off all the time lately.

NDG: Yeah, kind of.

Silence.

* * * TO BE CONTINUED * * *

Obviously that was my subconscious picking a fight because it means we will eventually be forced to have an argument and then a conversation. In the bad old days, the only way I could get him to talk about hard stuff was to pick a fight. He’d stew over it for awhile and then would sit down and talk to me about the real issue. I don’t think I realized until I typed that just how far back we have slipped. Even worse, I’m now realizing how much I’ve been letting stupid annoyances fester like I used to do. For the past two years, I was able to get over them by choosing to ignore and focus on the positives. I chose to be happy. I have a knot in my stomach because this Sunday morning epiphany is that he’s not the only one who has regressed. This shit has been festering in me. I’m not proud of that.

Intellectually, I know that acknowledging there’s a problem is the first step to repairing it. Emotionally, I’m bruised and hurt and defensive and want to hide from all of it.

So yeah. Happy fucking Sunday to me.

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Prelude to a Conversation

  1. Ignoring annoyances and focusing on positives works if works if the annoyances are minor and you can truly let them go. If they’re more significant, then it breeds resentment. It’s not a bad idea to talk about minor things – it’s easier to discuss them calmly than after you’ve been stewing.

    Hoping things get better for you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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