On Being Anonymous

I was originally inspired by Kilted Wookie’s excellent post on anonymity. As I wrote and edited, I ended up going in a different direction, but I want to give him props for his thought provoking take on it. The comments are great too, so be sure to check them out as well.


I started reading sex bloggers late last year. Even though my libido was back, TN and I were still having a hard time syncing our sex life. Add in several week-long trips for him and, well, I was spending a lot of nights alone on my computer. I ended up creating a fake Twitter account so I could comment on blogs. Never in a million years did I think I would actually use the Twitter identity, but I was soon following some of my favorite writers. From there it was a quick leap to actually commenting and I amazingly found myself a part of a little community of pervs.

Once I started talking to people, I decided to take the plunge and start this blog. Obviously I’m not a prolific poster. My biggest traffic comes from Sinful Sunday, but as I’ve mentioned, I have a ton of Drafts and, if nothing else, I use the writing as a way to sort out my thoughts even if they never get published.

Between Reddit, Sinful Sunday and Twitter, I’m still amazed that I’ve built some actual friendships with people in a completely anonymous way. Real (first) names, locations and real life stories have all been shared in DM and I don’t hesitate to call them friends. I’ve even exchanged face photos with one of my Reddit friends. We text back and forth every day and I have no doubt we’ll meet someday.

Sometimes, though, being part of such a sex positive community makes it harder to live my real life. It’s so easy to talk about sex, kinks, desires, etc. that it makes it all the more painful to realize I don’t have that with any of my real life friends. Based on the reactions to the little I’ve shared with my girlfriends (and I do mean little), I am by far the kinkiest of the bunch. In fact, some things I’ve mentioned in a vague way or that my “friend” does have been been met with a range of responses from disbelief that anyone even does that to utter disgust to harsh judgments about the kind of people who do those things. Talk about making me feel isolated. Given the recent state of emotional unrest between TN and me, I was feeling even more alone. Thank goodness I have people like Steel Charmer who I leaned on a lot; N in California who always gives great advice and offers a great male perspective; and Rex who never fails to make me smile every single day.

People unfamiliar with this world of pseudonyms and sex bloggers imagine the worst. It’s really too bad they don’t take the time to learn that this is just another community of people where we care about one another, we support and encourage one another and we enjoy each other’s company online. Granted it usually involves less clothing, but hey, I’m not complaining.

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10 thoughts on “On Being Anonymous

  1. I have found sex bloggers to be the most amazingly accepting and supportive bunch of people ever! I’m so glad to be part of this community.
    I also understand the anonymity thing… No one, apart from the OH, in my “real life” has a clue about my blogs or Twitter.
    I’m glad you have found good friends, as have I.
    Kat x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Great post. I try very hard to keep this side of my persona to me. I realize it is the 21st century and know, working in the fraud and security business, anything is possible when it comes to data breaches. I just count myself lucky to have met such an understanding group of people online!

    Like

    • I hear you! I don’t have to worry about being found out affecting my career, but it certainly would be miserable to deal with the gossip and judgment in my smallish, conservative city. The friend that has seen my face has the same, if not more, to lose than me by being found out and he sent me his pic first. We’ve known each other for almost a year so it’s been a long build up to reach that level of trust. Thanks for your comments!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s really hard to not be able to share things in real life. I’m so grateful to be able to go online and talk to people. Sex bloggers are really an amazing bunch of people. But I can’t discuss all the details of my real life online. Sir is the only person who knows everything. The only reason I’m anonymous is because I know the crap my kids would have to put up with. Maybe one day I can go public 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow this really hits home! My husband just told me last night how I am more comfortable with my online friends than I am with my real life ones, hello small town life!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Aw… You made my day. I’m so glad that we found each other and can be support and giggling companions. You make me smile at least two or three times a day.

    Anonymity is one of the hardest things for me. I don’t like that well and to have people online that I can share with makes it so much easier. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve never liked not being able to talk about certain things, or having to censor myself or “catch” myself in certain circles. Most of my friends know at least the general tone of my relationship with my husband, because I refuse to pretend it’s something different, and I’m pretty sure his mom and sister know (one of those don’t-ask-don’t-tell things), but I can’t be open to any of them about it. My friends have made it clear that they have no interest in talking about the details (although one will occasionally ask about the non-sexual power dynamic between us).

    There are those that have been “judgy,” but those people are never in my life for long. Like you, I’ve made so many friends from blogging, that are so open and accepting, I wish I had started a decade ago.

    Liked by 1 person

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