Celebratory Sex

I totally used the Blackhawks to get laid. Considering the slump I felt we were headed into, winning the Stanley Cup seemed like the perfect opportunity to snap The Nerd out of his funk. I made the move. I told him we were having celebratory sex. I didn’t flirt, I didn’t ask. I told him. After the evening house stuff was done, I went to his den, kissed his neck and told him he’d better finish his video game, because when I was done with my shower, we were going to fuck. He actually seemed to like me being so assertive. It certainly gave me an unexpected thrill. When I finished my shower, he still wasn’t upstairs so I sent him a text.

I’m naked. Get up here. 

And he did! Yep, definitely felt a reaction between my legs.

Unfortunately, foreplay went from 0 to 60 in about 3 seconds and I tensed up. My body was ready to come, but brain wasn’t letting me. I slowed things down and just pushed against him kissing him. I’m a big fan of kissing and it was helping me relax. He asked me what I wanted. Said I could have anything I wanted. I froze. I have such a hard time opening up and telling him what I really want because I’m worried how he’ll react. He’s not totally vanilla, but he’s also not super adventurous.

A little backstory—Part of my sexual reawakening that started last fall was acknowledging the fantasies I’ve always had but not necessarily understood. I suppose to sounds odd to some of you that I didn’t realize until I was 46 how much I liked rough sex. I have fantasized about it, I have asked him to tie me up (he always declined), and I always felt there was something wrong with me for entertaining these fantasies. I have a complicated history with non-consensual power struggles in sexual situations, which has made me ashamed of these all of my adult life.

I’m working really hard to open up to him and tell him the dirty things in my head. I’m finding that I have to go slowly and give him time to process. The first time I asked him to spank me, he said he couldn’t hurt me. It took a lot of talking to convince him that I wanted to feel the sting of his hand. Once he saw how body reacts, it became easier for him. He says that he still doesn’t necessarily like it, but that he likes what it does for/to me. He’s promised to tell me any time he doesn’t want to. I don’t ever want to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. I trust him to tell me the truth.

That backstory is important because even though I would love nothing more than to be put over his knee and spanking till my ass is burning red, it’s not something I’ve been able to ask because I’m certain it’s not something he’s ready for. (Yeah, yeah, I know. I should talk to him. I’m working on it.) So last night when I slowed things down, we were kissing and groping and it was lovely. Then he asked what I wanted. He said I could have anything I wanted. I wimped out and didn’t ask to be put over his knee, but I did tell him that I needed some pain to shut my brain off. He obliged and pulled my hair, hard, and I felt my thoughts begin to quiet and the tension leave my body. By the time he ordered me onto my hands and knees and spanked me a couple of times, I could feel the wetness dripping out of me and I was coming in repeatedly. He didn’t spank me nearly enough, but he did fuck me hard.

Baby steps.

 

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